time to smoke my breakfast
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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