Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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