just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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