god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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