Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize