At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize