Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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