It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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