Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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