Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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