i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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