so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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