I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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