I'm lost and stupid without you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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