thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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