I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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