she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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