i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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