My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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