anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize