i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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