walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize