...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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