so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize