She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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