Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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