I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize