she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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