great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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