I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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