I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize