Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just puked most of my soul out..
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