There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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