I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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