i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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