brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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