Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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