a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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