i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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