White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize