paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize