We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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