I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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