i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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