I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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