Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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