I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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