The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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