You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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