just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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